Pause Gently: Hold Lightly
Do you have your dreams, or do your dreams have you? Do you have your feelings or do your feelings have you? Do you have your job or does your job have you? Hold it lightly, then you can put it down when you have had enough.
I wrote this sentence last week. I’m aware that sometimes we have anger and sometimes anger has us, sometimes we have guilt and sometimes guilt has us. This reminds me of the Alexander Technique concept of ‘direction’, the idea of directing ourselves through choice rather than reacting with habit. This concept is usually applied physically, but this last weekend I ran a workshop with Imogen Ragone and we looked at how this could also be applied psychologically.
The ultimate technique for chosing and directing as opposed to reacting, is the PAUSE. In Gestalt we practice awareness. Awareness is the goal and the methodology of Gestalt. Change is not the goal, noticing, awareness is. From noticing and awareness we then have choice and we may change.
When someone hurts us, it’s so easy to react and respond. If we pause we may learn.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung.
And how can you take action to direct your life? Do nothing, stop, pause, connect, be fully aware.
Learning the pause is not always easy. Sometimes it is very hard to let go of that reaction or of our identity held within a response (for example if we strongly identify ourselves as a helpful person it may be difficult to pause and choose when someone asks for help). Sometimes we just react anyway!
This is when our identities and our feelings have us rather than us having them. Then we might say, “I couldn’t help myself”, “it just came out”. I don’t want to live a life where I have no choice and so I feel I must apply myself diligently to the pause in order to be choiceful rather than a victim of the tides of emotions and habits.
DO THIS NOW: Just pause, and breathe, and notice.
DO THIS TODAY: At any given moment (and most usefully at busy moments), just pause, and breathe and notice. Instead of filling a pause in conversation, or adding your piece, instead of picking up the phone or the biscuit tin, just pause for a few seconds so that your action contains choice. Our participants on the workshop went away with the pause button logo in their pack so that if they wish they can put a reminder around their house or at work while practicing the pause.
Gestalt therapy is a practice that keeps bringing the client back to their awareness of self, moment to moment, often asking where something is experienced in the body. Alexander Technique is similar in its noticing of the body. Imogen explained that if we think we must relax then we are “doing” and trying again, if we plant the thought in our mind that we are at ease and have plenty of time, our body relaxes without us trying.
I would like to write more about the idea of thoughts planted in our head and how they impact on our bodies soon, and I’d love to spend time telling you about our fabulous workshop and all the insightful exercises we did. However, I’m going to pause here and write more on that next time.
Synchronistically today’s Pause for Thought on the radio was along the same lines, I haven’t listened yet but Loui says it’s good so I post the link below.
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“It may be counter-intuitive, but creating space can often be a more effective catalyst for change than charging around. An American priest friend recently described this as drawing ‘finite action out of infinite spaciousness’. I like the sound of that. Sometimes we need to do less in order to achieve more!”Today’s Pause for Thoughter, the Rev Ruth Scott. Chris loves her aura!Listen via the iPlayer, or read the text in full by clicking on the link below: http://www.bbc.co.uk/
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My favorite part of this post: “Change is not the goal, noticing, awareness is.” In working with my clients (and in noticing my old patterns of the past), I have seen time and again, people being so focused on “the change” that they are actually unaware of what is happening RIGHT NOW. Thank you for sharing that Gestalt theory as it reminded me of the power of awareness.
Thank you, Angie, I agree. If people are focussed on changing themselves as opposed to noticing and accepting themselves, then this most often comes from an old mind set that they will be OK when they have done X, Y and Z rather than remembering they are OK right now!
I love that you wrote that sometimes we have certain emotions and sometimes the emotions have us. That is so true and so powerful if we do take the time to pause and breathe and then choose. We are in charge of our thoughts, actions, and reactions!
“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung.
I also don’t want to live a life where I have no choice and so I feel I must apply myself diligently to the pause in order to be choiceful rather than a victim of the tides of emotions and habits.
Thank you big sis. Very eloquent and lucid.
This is an excellent post and it’s truly timely. I know I often react without thinking. Pausing is such a good way to think about it because I was always thinking “I need some time to think about that,” as if there was a special time in my day where I was just going to think about all those things. Pausing gives me access to those moments that are already there. Thanks for the idea!
Ooh I love the energy of your post thank-you 🙂 I am using that pause now…. I am one of those people that need a pause button as I am quite active and like doing all the time. I love taking time to pause and I am going to stick up some of your “pause button” ideas around the house. Thank-you for sharing this wonderful technique!!
Jennyxxx
Ahhhh, creating a pause button to place in various places of my house as a reminder. Thanks for this post!
What a beautiful post and thank you for the reminder. It’s not always easy to stop and think when you’re busy with work, family, house, etc.etc. but I totally hear the reminder in this post – thank you 🙂
“And how can you take action to direct your life? Do nothing, stop, pause, connect, be fully aware. Learning the pause is not always easy. Sometimes it is very hard to let go of that reaction or of our identity held within a response…”
This makes me think of my Montessori classroom and how important it is to observe, and “do nothing”. This article made me realize, though, that I get away from this at times, especially when a child gets hurried, frustrated, rushing to ask for assistance. I need to continue to be there, but be quiet, observant, and allow the child to settle and listen to herself. That won’t happen unless I master “do nothing”. And I need to extend this into other areas of my life as well…..