The greatest loss, that of oneself, may pass unnoticed.

Kierkegaard

Last time, I mentioned Transactional Analysis and the idea of “I’m not OK, You’re OK” and “I’m OK, You’re not OK”. I would like to consider what we have to gain from the “I’m OK, You’re OK” position.
I left yesterday’s post with a thought about facing the underlying issue of fear of our own inadequacy. I am aware that when we spend a great deal of time on the measuring system I mentioned in the last blog, we are strengthening a system but not ourselves.
As part of a psychosynthesis course I am taking at the moment I have chosen this week to meditate daily on “Who Am I?”. Do try it, I would be curious to know how easy and how difficult it is for others! I note that without the measuring system this is a very interesting question and one that we are not encouraged to develop. We are encouraged to know who we are in relation to others (e.g., top of the class, mother, student, therapist). These are roles, they are not “I”. It is this type of meditation that takes me into looking to see who and what I am – and where I might encounter and discover my…. inadequacy! So I look and I face it and there it isn’t! I don’t mean to say I think I am wonderful or anything grandiose, I just note that what I find is different to what I may have feared. As I say, I would be interested to know about other people’s experiences.
We can’t be self-critical without being other-critical they are both part of the same measuring system. We can devalue ourselves or devalue others in that system. When we take non-judgment, acceptance and compassion to a deep level, when we no longer require it to justify ourselves and who we are, we can be who we are and allow others to be who they are.
We are Human Beings rather than Human Doings. We are of intrinsic value, we are not valuable simply for what we do. This concept is so very important, especially at those times, through illness or even just our limits, when we are unable to do. If we value ourselves for our roles, for what we do, what is left, how do we value ourselves when our role is over or when our doing is restricted?
Take a moment right now to know:
Being is fine, just now.
And other people, their being is OK too.
When we let go of the systems and the measuring, we can only be perfect.
Perfectly you, perfectly me.
Any unease we may feel, is simply information, is a gift of further discoveries to be made, maybe some internal knowing that some adjustments need to be made to be in keeping with ourselves or that deeper acceptance is to be found. We are more likely to find truthful measures of our doing, when we first centre in our being.