Group Guidelines for Therapy Group

THE GROUP

Welcome to the new therapy group for women who are not straight.

Therapy can be intense and painful at times and so I ask that all pay particular attention to the boundaries necessary for safe, therapeutic work.

Group Agreements Overview

1 RESPECT for yourself. Pace your involvement in activities for yourself. This includes the depth to which you take yourself and what you disclose.

2 RESPECT for others. This includes their privacy and dignity. So no screen shots, gossiping or discussing others. AT ALL. If you need to let off steam do it in your journal. Be kind – you don’t know the whole story ever. Don’t ask others to be responsible for you.

3 RESPECT for me as your therapist. I’d appreciate you coming directly to me with any problems about the course or my behaviour, or the behaviour of others if it is infringing upon these agreements.

This is an invitation for us to be our most respectful selves and to include respect for ourselves.

The group will meet via Zoom on the first Wednesday evening of every month starting in February and I propose 7.15pm – 9.15pm and the precise timings are open to group discussion.

I will be the therapist and you will pay me £30 for each session for six sessions including any missed sessions.

Your minimum commitment is for 6 sessions so that the group is closed and it is the same people each time and this builds safety.

Confidentiality is our top priority.

Also while you are in the group it is required that you do not socialise with or have special friendships with other members. This is to ensure there are not sub groups or split off factions and that everything that happens in the group, happens openly and within our sessions. When the group is finished you may wish to be friends and that is fine.

The group maximum number will be 6.

Every six months we will review and consider membership changes together.

GROUP MEMBERS

Men and straight people will not be members of the group.

Each of you will share your wish for the first 6 months, maybe to get support with difficult family members, to understand a break up, to feel more confident, to manage guilt, to like yourself, for example, and the group will support you on this. Your therapy does not have to be based on your sexuality. (The reason we are working within a lesbian+ framework is so that you all know you are among others who understand.) You don’t need to be lesbian, you can be questioning, bi or pansexual. You might identify as a woman or non-binary AFAB.

You are willing to hold a serious commitment to confidentiality.

You are willing to respect everyone in the group including yourself and including me.

You are willing to say difficult things and to be honest.

You will take steps to trust the group and to be trustworthy.

You understand that everyone is different and has a unique story.

You don’t require everyone to agree with you.

Group participants can have individual sessions with me but I will not discuss the group with you outside the group (unless it’s to help support you to tell the group something difficult for example, in which case our discussion will be fed back into the group).

BENEFITS

Group work is the best for shame, isolation, loneliness and new or changing identity. To see and hear others’ stories is to be validated, and to build community builds confidence. Plus it feels good to help others as well as to be supported. Other people’s stories often shed light on your own and lesbian invisibility is an issue for everyone.

STEP 1: Read the guidelines

STEP 2: Register for the group HERE

STEP 3: Put all the dates and times on your calendar

STEP 4: Read your emails, pay on the Tuesday before the group when you get the payment link reminder.

STEP 5: Join by Zoom on the day

RESPECT FOR SELF:

• Allow enough time for daily reflection or journalling, for arriving at the sessions and for reflection afterwards.

• Consider who your support team are and check in with them regularly.

• During group sessions make sure you are not overheard or interrupted by your household and that you have water / non alcoholic refreshment, and tissues available.

• Decide ahead of time what you do and don’t want to share in the group. If you need help with this, please speak to Miriam privately.

• Do not use alcohol or drugs before or during a therapy session and it is advisable to reflect carefully if you wish to use after the session. If post-session may be difficult for you, pre-plan your support and your wind-down to be a healthy as possible.

RESPECT FOR OTHERS:

• This is can be a vulnerable situation for some and may contain raw emotions, please engage your most wise and mature self when connecting with others.

• Please attend all meetings punctually and for the duration. Please arrive in the waiting room a few minutes before the meeting so as not to interrupt. Please leave your camera on and prevent others in your household from overhearing. Never attend under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

• Never discuss anyone else’s personal material outside the group. You may talk about your stuff with friends but there is no need to discuss anyone else’s story. This confidentiality continues BEYOND the group sessions, forever. Just as coming out about sexuality is an individual preference, so is coming out about one’s life history and circumstances. It should not be in anyone else’s hands.

• It is more likely that interrupting and speaking over others will happen on Zoom than face to face. Forgive yourself and each other while we all try to minimise this but also feel free to use the raised hand icon if you feel you can’t get space to speak. If you are finding it hard to stay in the meeting then use the chat box to tell Miriam you need help.

• Do not hold conversations with other members of the group for the next 6 months, except in our Wednesday meeting. This undermines the psychological safety of others.

Intense resonance with others in the group is possible and needs firm boundaries to keep the process safe. Hopefully by the end of the group you will all feel in possession of your own boundaries once more and can then take responsibility for your own chosen interactions.

Once the group is over, by all means ‘friend’ each other but during the life of the group remember that some of the group work is dealing with processes formed in childhood and that participants may be ‘under-age’ at times – so bluntly speaking it is inappropriate to approach anyone romantically or sexually because you are meeting each other’s ‘inner child’ as well as their wounded adult.

• Please maintain respect for difference, this may include being aware of unconscious bias around race, disability, sexuality or gender. We will be looking at our prejudice including against ourselves and it’s normal and OK to hold prejudice, to explore it and to address it. In the group we aim not to deny it or to let it affect our treatment of others. We will discuss more how we can’t help our feelings but we most certainly can help our behaviour.

• Aim to use the words “I feel…” rather than “You are…”. We will discuss the difference between saying how we feel and making judgements and assumptions about others. It’s a new concept to most people so don’t over censor yourself, just improve with practice.

• You can participate in reviewing these guidelines as we go along.

RESPECT FOR YOUR THERAPIST:

• Miriam is a qualified and experienced therapist, you’re paying for her to support you, so please be honest with her and feedback as you go along.

Please make sure you pay for your sessions and have completed the REGISTRATION PROCESS.

• If you have questions or concerns please direct these to Miriam as soon as possible. miriam@blue-skies.org.uk

• You can find out about Miriam’s qualifications and experience here and also here.

• CLIENT CONTRACT; PREPARING FOR YOUR ONLINE SESSION; GROUP GUIDELINES CAN BE VIEWED HERE