I’m not a cynic and today is a good day to express my inner romantic and reflect on falling in love…
I was with a client a few weeks ago discussing her relationship problems with her partner and we were remembering the stage in her relationship of falling in love and questioning why this phase ends in relationships and empathizing with the hardships in romantic partnerships. My training and experience usually leads me to consider the idea of falling in love as a stage of projection and fantasy which is later replaced with reality. I was reminded of the phrase
Love is blind ….
But is it, I wondered? I reflected on falling in love, I reflected on the love I have for my children, my clients. No, I decided, love is not blind. Love sees beyond the dross, the issues, the dramas. When we fall in love, we see our beloved in all their pure potential, we see the beauty in their design, we see the person they are meant to be. Our love gives us hope and faith in that person and their love, hope and faith in us lifts us up to be our best selves. What a wonderful time that is!
I feel that in my therapy practice I am usually not dealing with a lack of love in relationships but really a lack of hope or faith or trust. Is falling in love just projection? Fantasy? Maybe. Or is it more than that? Is it insight? Is it this second sight, or other sight that gives us the hope and faith to love on even once we are smack bang in the middle of the baggage?
Sometimes people say, ‘Only a mother could love him / her!’ as a way of describing someone they see as unattractive. A parent can see the beauty in their baby, their child, that is hidden to others. I see the potential in my children of who they are, who they were born to be, their talents and their beauty. Of course my children are the most beautiful to me – I see through eyes of love. I don’t think that makes me blind, perhaps it gives me a sight of something invisible.
It’s February 14th today, and I invite you to see through eyes of love today, your partner, your children, your clients, the people in your life. When we first love someone, we see past the dross, the flaws, the hang-ups. There is time enough later to complain later about the flaws, the small print, the catalogue of hurts that build up after the ‘honeymoon period’, but for today, let’s fall in love, and see the true soul beauty of others, beyond the daily aggravations.
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